Consequences of this Outlook

We don't hurt gay people

only when we condemn

without understanding.

We hurt all of us.

Let's look before we leap

The negative message that is being communicated about gay people is having an effect...but it's not a good one. During the 1980's and 1990's research was done that indicated that America's gay teens were killing themselves two to three times more frequently than heterosexual youth. In recent times it appears that these studies may have produced exaggerated results, and that the discrepancy was not as large as some of the data suggested. However, it is clear that despite the increased acceptance of homosexuality by society since that time, gay youth are still more at risk for self-destructive behaviors than heterosexual teens.

Why? In part, because they are being told by a large segment of society that they are abnormal, and that their feelings are shameful. They are told that they are supposed to change themselves, and they can't. So, sometimes they use drugs and sometimes they pull the trigger. How's that for a choice?

It's a tragedy. But it's only one example of the consequences of our view of homosexuality. When we eventually realize that our current view about homosexuality is inadequate, it won't erase drug-riddled pasts or bring back to life those dead teens. Nor will it lessen the pain of countless Americans who have lived with feelings of shame, loneliness, and rejection because of their sexual orientation.

Extreme thinking is costing us a lot

We actually know relatively little about the origins of sexuality in people. However, if we march relentlessly forward to condemn gay people in our society we will pay a price. It always happens that way. Extremist thoughts and behaviors exact a high toll...whether Christian, Muslim, gay, white, or black. And let's be sure about it, Christians can think in extreme terms also. It's what all of us do when we get afraid.

However, our country is not only thinking in extremes; it is acting that way also. For example, web sites like this one can generate a lot of hate mail. Why? Because people feel threatened, and fear leads to condemnation. The result can be some rather nasty writing, and it can make the sender look foolish. Everyone loses. So, if you find yourself wanting to write hate mail after reading this site, take a moment to ask yourself, "What is my 'hate' about, and what does it say about my own inclinations to be extreme?"

Do the accusations make sense?

Before concluding that homosexuality is simply a sick choice ask yourself this: "When was the last time I chose a lifestyle (just for the fun of it) that would cause public humiliation and family discord?" In most places being gay means not being able to marry. It means not being able to plan a partner's funeral when the family steps in and takes over. It means not being included in medical decisions about a partner after having lived together for 50 years. These things do happen. They are the privileges of being gay in our society.

Choosing such a radically different characteristic as sexual orientation is not something people do just for fun. And when was it that heterosexuals chose their orientation? In fact, given the obesity statistics in the US it's apparent that many Americans can't successfully choose to change their body weight, despite large amounts of money spent on diet books and plans. In light of this, it seems a bit much to ask gay people to change their sexual orientation!

Also, it's an unfortunate characteristic of human nature that we blame others when they are in a difficult situation, especially when we don't know how to help them. This can happen in any circumstance, including emotional difficulties and physical illnesses. We say they have the problem because they are not trying hard enough to change it, and we add to their pain. In the treatment of trauma victims there's something called secondary wounding. It occurs with when the person is blamed for not getting over the trauma sooner. It doesn't help. It can be difficult to be gay, especially in today's society, and when society doesn't know what to do about it, it blames the gay person for their situation.

The issue of a cure for homosexuality

This promise of a "cure" for homosexuality is boldly offered by opponents of homosexuality. After all, if homosexuality is a choice, it must be possible to "un-choose" it. However, if there is a cure for homosexuality (a term that is understandably offensive to many gay people), it certainly hasn't been documented very well. If one reads about the long term results of those who have "changed" their sexual orientation to heterosexuality, one won't find much genuine emotional change. Frequently one hears that these same folks later "caved in" and returned to homosexuality.

Both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association have suggested that changing from homosexuality to heterosexuality is impossible for most people. After all, if you ask most heterosexual people if they could change to homosexuality, they can't imagine it. This is not to say that all people who claim to have changed their orientation are mistaken, because only they can know for sure. But the vast number of people who have tried with desperation during the process of accepting their orientation have failed.

Even if it could happen...

Theoretically speaking, even if some day a method were found to change sexual orientation (and it was deemed desireable to those involved), such a process would not be universally available to gay people any more than large homes with swimming pools are available to all who want them. People suffer every day because they do not receive medical treatments that already exist, either because they cannot afford them or because they simply aren't available for some reason. No, even if a reliable way to change sexual orientation were discovered, it would still leave many "unfortunates" out in society's cold. If our culture stays as it is now, these people will simply have to live with social rejection and condemnation.

What's the implication? The implication is that sexual orientation of the vast majority of gay people is, for all practical purposes, unchangeable--no matter what might be discovered in the future. We cannot escape the fact that we need a humane and intelligent way to live with homosexuality in our society.

What if the tables were turned?

If things were different, and heterosexuals were considered "abnormal" and discriminated against, change might appear more welcome to many who are upset today. Most people have never thought about what it would be like to go to work and feel uncomfortable about putting a picture of their life's mate on their desk, or to go to church and have the pastor say that their lifelong relationship is "a sin." Most heterosexual people have never been refused medical information about their spouse. If the tables were turned, heterosexuals could be jailed in some countries just for being heterosexual! What would that feel like to you?

But what about the Bible?

About Homosexuality